By: Annette McElhiney
Having been reared on a farm in the Midwest, I’ve always thought of April as a time of new awakenings. The leaves emerge, the grass turns green, the gentle warm rains sprinkle down, animals are born, and flowers pop out. So what does that have to do with a blog post on creating a supportive community for women with ovarian cancer? In my mind, the evolution of spring and the evolving stages of survivors’ self awareness and reactions to their diagnosis of Stage III or IV ovarian cancer are very similar. Nothing in nature is static! Each living thing changes constantly. And so do we! Survivors who share their stories need to ask themselves if their stories are the same as they were when they were first diagnosed, at one year, at two years or even at 10 years. Isn’t awareness of our own changing selves and becoming comfortable with those changes what it actually means to learn how to cope with cancer?
To Illustrate these changes ask yourselves these questions: Do you remember HOW you felt when you first heard those cutting words “you have ovarian cancer”? Do you remember WHERE you were? Do you remember the questions you asked? Did the person giving them to you care? HOW did you feel? HOW did you tell your loved ones? Did you feel vulnerable? Did you know how to cope with cancer?
Only 7 years after my diagnosis in 2008 have I felt secure enough to explore many of the changes in me since that diagnosis and brave enough to try additional ways of coping.
My answers to the first questions came freely. I was in a new gynecologist’s office after having had a vaginal ultrasound. Upon examining me, she couldn’t feel anything in the pelvic cavity, but knew from the vaginal sonogram that what she saw was most likely cancer. She ordered a CT for the next day that confirmed her diagnosis. I remember asking her if after surgery, I had to stay in one place to have chemo as my husband and I were only 3 months away from spending 6 months in California. She assured me I could have it both places. She told me, realizing that I was devastated, she had a patient who had had ovarian cancer for 13 years and her life was quite good.
I also remember that she spent nearly 2 1/2 hours with me explaining the disease and counseling me. I have no idea what she did with her other scheduled patients as I received more than my share of her gentle calming presence. In truth, her calmness and compassion got me through the first months.
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